Overview
I was raised in a home where bed-sharing was unimaginable. I do not remember one single time crawling into my parent’s bed when I was a child. Naturally, I never imagined to bedshare with my children. The only thing that was clear to me from the beginning with our first baby was that he sleeps in our bedroom.
To my surprise, I ended up bedsharing with all of our kids for many, many years… I don`t remember the last time I and my husband had the bed to ourselves during the last 8 years!
How did that happen?
Well, very quickly I discovered that getting up and sitting to breastfeed at night is quite a task. And quickly, bed-sharing became a habit when I realized how good and relaxing it was for both me and my baby.
Ask me in the morning how many times she woke up to be fed – I won t be able to answer. With two other kids now and a job and house to attend to, I cannot imagine not bed share!
The thing is that even after weaning, they kind of love to sleep with us, and I am just too soft-hearted to “throw them out”!
So over the years, one kid after another, our youngest now almost 20 months old, bedshare.
What is co-sleeping?
There are several forms of co-sleeping, which of all have in common that your baby sleeps near to you, but not necessarily on the same surface:
A same room without sharing a bed
This form of co-sleeping is recommended by pediatricians for the reduction in the risks of SIDS.
You would simply have the baby s crib in your room.
A co-sleeper
There are all kinds of co-sleepers you can attach to the side of your bed. The baby s bed will be open at the attached side and like a crib at the side facing away from your bed. This way the baby sleeps next to you but on their surface.
A bed-sharing bassinet
There are sorts of bassinets you can put into your bed, in which the baby will sleep within your bed, but separately.
Simply bed-sharing
This way your baby will sleep in your bed next to you on the same surface. Either you put your baby asleep in your bed from the beginning, or the baby is welcomed in your bed after waking up at night.
How the western world changed
In former times the most natural thing was that mothers sleep next to their babies to protect them and breastfeed them.
Over the years, with society developing a certain need for independence, and training their children to do and know all kinds of things from an early age, the Western world decided it was time to put babies in separate beds and even in their rooms.
Now, pediatricians say that bed-sharing increases the risk of SIDS and suffocation, but they highly recommend room-sharing until the age of one year.
According to James McKenna, a professor of anthropology at the University of Notre Dame and director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory, a baby closed in their room cannot learn to develop their senses properly.
How can you bed-share safely?
The safety of bed-sharing is wildly discussed. And while you may find people that truly believe this is the only way of sleeping that fits their family, others may strictly advise against it.
If you decide that bed-sharing is right and the most natural for your family, please be aware that a lot of risk factors can be eliminated if we just learn and acknowledge them.
- Always put your baby on their back for sleeping
- Keep the surface tight and clean and firm- no sheepskin, beanbag mattress, waterbed, no pillows, bedding, or blankets that are loose and could accidentally cover the baby s face
- Never cosleep on a sofa or couch where the baby could get trapped
- Mothers who smoked during pregnancy or are smoking should not bed-share
- There should not be any second-hand smoke in the bedding, or clothes, from the partner
- Parents who use sedatives, drugs, or drink alcohol and don t wake up easily should never bed-share
- Both parents should be aware and okay with the fact that there is a baby in their bed
- No other siblings should also sleep in the same bed
- Bottle-fed babies should co-sleep but not bed-share
- The safest is for the baby to only sleep next to their breastfeeding mother
- If the mother has very long hair she should tie it up
Why should you not bed-share when bottle-feeding?
According to James McKenna, the relationship between mother and baby when bottle-feeding is completely different. Mother and baby both spend much more time in deep than in light sleep, and they are less sensitive to each other’s movements and arousals.
Very interestingly, breastfeeding mothers curl themselves around their babies while putting them on a level with their breasts. This seems to be instinctual but it usually does not happen when a mother bottle feeds.
Bottle-fed babies are placed differently inside the bed and one researcher discovered that they move away from their mothers during sleep rather than towards her.
All those behaviors put a baby at additional risk for SIDS and suffocation and bed-sharing is therefore not considered safe, but recommended on different surfaces!
Benefits of Bed-sharing
Short time benefits
As a baby is born, they are not quite ready to face the outside world alone. Our baby cannot regulate their systems by themselves. They adjust their breathing, temperature, and heartbeat to their mother`s and so need to be close to her as often and long as possible.
Babies also learn to develop their senses and reactions according to the smells, sounds, and behaviors of their moms or caregivers.
When a baby sleeps close to their parents, all those requirements are met, and the baby can grow and develop. But by leaving the baby alone in a room, they will develop high levels of stress hormones, undergo fear and anxiety, and use their resources to deal with this frightening situation rather than growth and development.
Babies tend to cry less or not at all when they wake up next to their mothers. Waking up at night may be more often for both mom and baby but in a positive way that expresses the sensitivity between the both. Studies showed that mothers who coslept actually could not recall the number of times they woke up during the night and when asked, they would describe they had “enough” and “good” sleep, more often compared to mothers who slept alone.
Longtime benefits
Lots and lots of studies were made on children who co- or solitary-slept. And with the common way of thinking that alone-sleeping children are more confident and independent today, we know that the opposite is true!
Researchers found for example that children who co-slept were happier and better to control and less fearful. They know better to deal with stress by themselves and showed less dependency on their parents.
Another study showed that children who co-slept had fewer behavioral and emotional problems.
One study even suggests that co-sleeping children were more self-dependent with getting dressed, for example, entertaining themselves and socially more competent.
Bed-sharing and Daddy
According to a study, fathers who bed-shared had lower testosterone levels. In other words, fathers with lower levels of that male hormone are more relaxed, sensitive, and responsive to their children! If that isn`t great news…
Conclusion
The decision is for each family to make by themselves. Even James McKenna says that only the family themselves know what is best for them.
You know your background, your situation, your routine, your behavior, your feelings, and your ideas. The choice of where and how your baby will sleep is the only one you can make the right way.
What feels good for you and your family is right as long as your baby is fed and loved and cared for!
What are your thoughts on this and where does your baby sleep? Let me know.
Sources
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3434197/
https://cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/#Q25
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/icd.365
Co-sleeping and Bed-sharing